F*CK IT!

As I sit here waiting for responses to the query letters I have in circulation, I find myself contemplating the possibilities of ever becoming published.  And as I do I’m reminded of all the cards stacked against me (or so I’m told).  No formal writing background. I haven’t written a million words yet.  I don’t read near enough.  My grammar sucks.  I can’t type.  I have a full-time job + with little time for revision schedules, much less promotional activities.   And I’m so introverted that I can tell my doctor what my x-rays say.

A literary agent’s wet dream, right?!

So, what the heck am I doing?  What hope do I possibly have? With all that I’m up against, why am I here?  I’ll tell you why.  Because…frankly… I said F*ck it!  I decided put aside my own reservations and listen to the people closest to me who tell me my book deserves to be published.  I chose to believe my critique partners who also praised it and urged me to push forward.  I opted to ignore common sense and think like a kid again, reverting back to a time when possibilities went untarnished by grown-up pessimism.  But what about those cards stacked against me?  Here’s what I have to say about those.

No formal writing background….F*ck it! That just means I never pursued it before now.  The drive and determination to secure my family’s financial & social stability was always my first priority and I never had the creative time to develop this secret passion, until recently.  It doesn’t mean that the talent isn’t there, and been there all along.

I haven’t written a million words yet…F*ck it!  Personally, I don’t buy into this belief and even if others do, I have written two novels, numerous short stories, and dozens of work related manuals.  At what point does quality versus quantity come into play?

I don’t read enough…F*ck it!  Do you really need to constantly have a book in your hand?  Read one book a week? A month?  What is enough?  Are we reading to become writers…or mimics?

My grammar sucks…F*ck it!  I’m learning more and more every day and besides, between my critique partners and a couple reasonably priced copy editors, they’ve helped me shore up my short comings.

I can’t type…F*ck it!  Truman Capote wrote his first versions in longhand.  Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

I have a full-time + job…F*ck it! Well, not the job, but the fact that free-time is at a premium.  I get 4 weeks of vacation every year and weekends spent at my writing desk are common place.  Devoting free time on an uncertainty is one thing, spending it ensuring success is another.

I’m introverted…F*ck it!  Instruct me to go up to a complete stranger and ask for a stick of gum…ain’t happening, but if the same stranger comes up to me and wants to ask me a question about my writing, I’ll talk his ear off!  I may not be a conversationalist, and I loathe small talk, but given the right topic (namely a writers passion), it won’t be a problem.

There may be this mold that published authors typically fit into, but I can guarantee you it won’t fit me, and I could care less.  A more refined writer might have explained my position by saying I’m throwing caution to the wind, or that I’m revolting against a feeling of hopelessness and despair.  I can only say that I am who I am, and today I’m embracing the more youthful approach.

F*ck it! 

Anyway, it makes a catchy blog title! :)

28 comments

  1. I heart your new attitude and it makes me love you all the more. Everything you list are things that are mostly temporary. So you don't have a million words written...you will. So what you suck at grammar, you can learn. Approaching people can also be learned. I used to be horribly shy and introverted. I am still in stranger danger sitches but for the most part, I power through.

    Also, I notice that on your list that you do not have anything about how your story sucks. Because I'm sure it doesn't and that's the most important thing!

    I'm not a hugger, but I will hug you now. *hugs*

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  2. No formal writing background, haven't written a million words, can't type (well), have a full time job, introvert...
    Yup, you pretty much just described me!
    Which means it can happen for you as well.

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  3. What hannah said. Cuz she's awesome like that.
    I wouldn't even know if i wrote a million words. I've written so much stuff that's been lost on floppy disks i'll probably never know truly how much i've written. Who cares? It's just one word after another

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  4. So feeling you today.

    Fingers crossed on your query. Here's to snagging that agent.

    ((hugs))

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  5. Love it! I think it's like so much else in this life - individual. We have to find our own paths, our own ways, our own rules. Then we'll find our paths. :)

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  6. I love this and I love you! I'm so hoping you get some favorable responses...I'm getting closer to starting the journey myself!

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  7. Gotta just keep going, and keep believing in yourself. And when that's hard - surround yourself with people who believe in you and push you to keep going.

    I haven't had a single request from the queries I sent out on my novel either. But, over the weekend I spent massive amounts of time sitting at my computer, pounding out a revision for my short story Scent. The story went way off course.

    But you know, I just kept at it - even told her it was all word vomit but I needed to get through it. And - it really felt good to have a story concept and just go with the flow. Everytime my kids come in to talk to me, or someone called on the phone, I told them to go away (mostly I was polite).

    I think it taks an introvert to be able to stand all the hours of solitude necessary to immeerse in a vague world and to be there long enough to bring it to life. Introvert just means you are comfortable with your own company; it doesn't mean you are unsociable.

    As long as you have people around you who support and understand you, then you'll be able to stick with it.

    Patience is not a virtue Don; it is a magical talent.

    ......dhole

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  8. Everyone has to start somewhere. There are no set "rules" to this game. It's all about who reads your work and how it sits with them. Good luck! Keep us posted!

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  9. I actually employ this phrase several times a week. lol. And I think it's especially appropriate for people struggling to break into the biz. You just keep going, despite it all. It's the only way:)

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  10. Good for you! I have just said the same and am going to S/P. Walking away from a publisher was the scariest thing, but the right thing for me.

    Formal writing background? Yes, I learned to write before computers were around! ;D

    Good luck for the future.
    Glynis Smy (writer)

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  11. Hey friend!!!

    Been missing you around the blogsphere lately and love the new attitude of this post!

    Totally get it and am with you. Giving up isn't an option!

    *HUGS*

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  12. Well, you know how I feel about your work, so I'm glad you're getting stronger.

    And as for breaking in to the biz, I said F*uck it awhile ago and am now self-publishing. If "they" don't believe in my work, I do.

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  13. *fist pump*
    rock on brother!!!
    *cue some queen music*

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  14. If you don't try, you definitely won't be published. Funny how that happens?

    A million words, huh? Does that count from when I was learning to write . . . as a five year old? If so, then I'm sure I've written a million words by now. :D

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  15. I'm with ya bro! There's a lot of us in the boat you describe, and many of the criteria you list are so arbitrary. Why is a million words enough? (Too much?) But no one can answer that question.

    Your recipe for success is spot on: put our heads down and just keep going. If we work hard enough, success will find us.

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  16. Hang in there.

    Woman of few words. Sorry :)

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  17. i hear yah....thanks for your sweet words.

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  18. while I wholeheartedly agree with your "be not discouraged" attitude, and encourage you to keep going, don't forget that some of those things you CAN change! Like reading more, working on grammar... I know I saw a change in my own writing the more I read in the specific genre for which I wrote. Yes?

    The only thing I'd say f*ck it to is anyone who says you should stop trying~ :o) <3 ((hugs))

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  19. This was awesome! I don't think there's an official "way" to achieve our writing goals. I'm sending you so much good luck on your queries! And congrats on getting your novel to this stage!

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  20. You've got to be you! Believe in the way you write and what you right and be persistent. (That's what I'm hoping anyway.)

    Fingers cross for you. :D

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  21. Okay, except for the full time job part (I work part time) you and I are in the same boat. And if someone like me can get an agent, so can you.

    Hugs, hugs, hugs.

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  22. I like the way you think. I reckon anyway who gets published has overcome lots of obstacles, and I don't there's any particular type of author. There's only one way to get published and that's to keep trying!

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  23. While not a fan of the F word in the least, your attitude is exactly right. Don't worry about anything other people say. Pursue your passion.

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  24. Wow! I'm loving this. It's about time someone comes out and shares all their frustrations!!!

    You'll have to stop by my blog on Tuesday. I talk about an disagreement I had on twitter the other day when a person decided to sell me on her hybrid publishing company (you pay the publisher to market for you -- umm, NO!) instead of agents (insisting they're scam artists).

    Lets just say I make it known plain as day that agents are scams, they're people, just like us!!!

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  25. I love this blog. We all have self doubts, but how you deal with them say the most about you. Good for you!

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  26. Oh snap, look who's got a bad attitude! And by bad, I mean GOOD. That's the spirit! :) I'm so glad you've returned and I know that whatever is coming your way will be truly epic. F*ck it... let's write!

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