Confidence

It's pretty much universal. Every writer battles it, but especially the ones who haven't been published yet. What am I talking about?


The eternal question. Am I good enough? Good enough to be published? But it's more than just the one question. If you are published, will your book sell enough to be considered successful? Do I have more than one book in me, or will I be just a one-off? What if I suffer from writer's block?

I'm willing to bet that if you're like me somewhere along the way a person or two (usually a relative or close friend) complimented your writing and urged you to consider getting published.

"This is a lot better than some of the books I've bought and read!"

Sound familiar? Been there...heard that. Confidence on the rise.

I also hear a lot of writers describing their voyage through the literary world like being on a roller coaster. Lots of highs and lows. Accurate, but I'll take it a step further by saying it's like riding a coaster blindfolded. On a real coaster, you can scan ahead and sort of prepare yourself for the turbulent shifts, but not so in the publishing world. Having the rug ripped out from you (via query rejection or publisher denial) will test the strongest of confidence.

It's why I've debated - on multiple occasions - about throwing in the towel. It's just not going to happen, I'll tell myself, my confidence ebbing away again. But then I consider the fact that I've had two different agents, representing three different books, who've had enough confidence of their own to represent me. Surely that means something? I've also had highly successful authors and experienced editors compliment my writing and tell me I have what it takes.

So why is nothing happening? It's all so frustrating!  

Can you tell that I'm struggling again? Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything. Just needed to vent. I won't go as far as saying I'm good now, but I have stepped away from the ledge.

Where does my confidence level sit now? Good question. An eternal one.

I Lied!

Maybe it wasn't so much a lie, but rather the relaying of misinformation. Something that I believed to be true, but as it turned out – otherwise. 

Remember this?

*Announcement*
I will be losing something soon, and I can't be more excited. I'm not allowed to reveal the details just yet (don't you hate it when people do that), but one way or another, the modifier attached to "aspiring author" will be disappearing from my description in 2021!

Yeah - that isn't happening, and it's my own fault. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!

Here's what happened. The agreement with my agent for PRICK was coming to the end of the one-year commitment and I had decided to go ahead and self-publish it in 2021. Everything was falling into place and arrangements were made. Then my agent read another of my novels I had previously sent to her (MOVING FEAR) and LOVED it. She wanted to sign a different contract for that book and I thought, why not? I can still pursue a traditional publishing deal while at the same time still moving forward with self-publishing PRICK. Seemed like a win-win to me, which is what led to me posting the announcement above.

Here's what I didn't consider. I discovered that if my agent and I were to sign a publishing contract, it was very possible the publisher could ask that I restrict what I self-published on my own (both books are YA). It probably wouldn't affect PRICK, as it would already be out in the world, but that book is the first of a trilogy and the publisher could maybe quash my plans for books two and three. Everyone knows you don't make money on a single book (unless it's a blockbuster), so I would be setting myself up for failure. Sure, I could use a pen name, but that wouldn't be the satisfaction I was looking for. The publisher could also be understanding and let me go ahead, but that was too big of a risk.

So I'm back to waiting for good news from my agent concerning MOVING FEAR and/or PRICK, but even though there was some serious interest at first and plenty of nibbles, there's nothing happening right now. It's starting to look like "aspiring author" title will be sticking around for a while.

Sorry for the untruth. 

This is another in a long line of disappointments. 

I could say you get used to them.

But that would be another lie.


 

2021 - Traction and Loss

 


I won't bore you with depressing tales of how crappy the previous year was and how optimistically predictive 2021 is going to be. Instead, I'll just tell you where things stand with regard to my own writing career.

If you follow me on other social media outlets, you'll have seen this - 

*Announcement*
I will be losing something soon, and I can't be more excited. I'm not allowed to reveal the details just yet (don't you hate it when people do that), but one way or another, the modifier attached to "aspiring author" will be disappearing from my description in 2021!
Definitely more to come. 🙂

So, yeah, I've finally gained some traction and big things are just around the corner. In my case, it turns out the coming year really will bring new opportunities.  It would be an enormous understatement to say it's been a long time coming! 
There will be a new website, a new Facebook page, a newsletter to sign up for, and lots of other changes to roll out, so keep checking back for those. For those of you who have stuck with me for so, so, long - I'll ask that you hang on a little while longer. It'll be worth it - PROMISE!
In a time when so many of us are longing for a return to normality - I'm bucking that trend. Traction is only useful if it propels us forward - so let's do that.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

The Journey So Far

 


It's been awhile since I've posted anything other than WRiTE CLUB material here on my blog, so I decided it was time to catch everyone up (for those interested) on where my writing career stands. I'll warn you right now – this is going to be a comprehensive summary.

The story I tell everyone about composing my first story to impress a girl is true. Up until the late-spring of 1974 I had never written fiction. After that, I couldn’t stop writing.  I had finally found something I was good at and others…mostly adults…took notice of.  I ended up working for the school newspaper my senior year, but after high school, my creative writing took a back seat to life.  College, a career, a wife and three kids all ganged up on me and forced my urge to write into an extended hibernation.

My infatuation with prose re-emerged after my three children left the nest and headed off to conquer the world. With time on my hands and the opportunity to explore my own interests, at first I was lost. One of the first things I did was undertake the chore of digitizing my old vinyl album collection, so I could listen to the songs that were lesser known. While I was in the middle of doing that I stumbled across an album and song that brought back a powerful memory, one that had been buried deep in my consciousness for decades.  

That remembrance is what led me to write my first short story in 30+ years. I had such a great time writing it that when I was finished I began contemplating how to turn it into a full-length book. Me…write a book? That was crazy…wasn’t it? How do you even go about doing that, I thought? How many words would that be? How many words per chapter…and how many chapters in a typical book? Could I even come up with a plot to envelop this short story and hold a reader’s interest for the length of an entire novel?

I decided to find out.  With my wife’s help, I etched out a plot that we both felt would be an interesting read…if I could pull it off…then I began to construct an outline to work from. When the outline was complete, I began to write.  And I wrote…and wrote…and wrote.  One-hundred sixty-five thousand words later, I pronounced myself finished. This was 2008.

Now during this time, I was also beginning to experiment with posting personal musings on Myspace (anybody remember that?). It wasn’t really what I would call blogging, but a precursor to it.  In the book I was writing, the main character had a very popular blog he called Cruising Altitude, and I thought it would be a good idea to begin my own blog to document my march to publication (cough...cough), so I opened a Blogger account. Naturally, I entitled the blog – Cruising Altitude. My first post was in 2009.

I now had this newly completed book, so what was I supposed to do with it? This is the part that truly embarrasses me. I Googled the email addresses for some successful publishing houses and sent them all the first three chapters of my unedited, unrevised, uncritiqued, unbeta-read, book. I still grimace when I think back on that. You can imagine the results. Me...I'm trying to forget.

My first intelligent move in this writing journey was when I embraced the blogosphere. It was chock full of writers at all levels of literary achievement, and each and every one of them was willing to pass along what they had learned along the way. I read and absorbed the knowledge of aspiring and successful writers both. I learned the ropes…so to speak. I also began to expand my own presence in the ‘sphere, becoming a semi-popular blogger in my own right. I came up with inventive blogging scenarios as WRiTE CLUB, the BLOG BLITZ, the Déjà vu Blogfest, Blogging Buddies Around the Globe, the Significant Other Blogfest, and the Origins Blogfest, just to mention a few. My intention was to give back to the writing community, a writing body that had given me so much, and I feel I did that in spades.

So what did I learn? One of the first things was that I needed to attract an agent to help me navigate the complex publishing process, and I realized the book I had written was much too long for a first-time author. Somewhere between 75-80K words was ideal, and my first attempt was 165K. 

As I was writing my second book a small piece of legitimacy and respectability came my way in the form of a short story that was accepted for publication in an anthology series entitled An Honest Lie.  I can’t tell you how much that little accomplishment rejuvenated me.  It was like Popeye downing a can of Spinach! "I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam… a-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah!"  I began my querying efforts for this new mystery/thriller, pitching it to agents at a writer’s conference (DFW Conference) and as a result landed a couple of full-requests. Those ultimately went nowhere. Then I tried my handwriting in the YA genre and was very pleased with my first draft (and so were my CP’s). My theme for that year was making it uncomfortable in my comfort zone…and it was starting to pay off. 

We are now up to 2012, December 21st, 2012 to be exact, and that's when the train derailed. Those of you who remember that day, it was when the Mayan calendar predicted the world would end. Well, the world didn’t end, but it felt like it to me because that was the day my wife was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Needless to say, 2013 was a year of setbacks. With much of that year spent in the hospital with my wife, writing pretty much ground to a halt, so did querying. Writers conferences came and went with at least one empty seat, and basically, most of my forward momentum turned into suspended animation.  I kept semi-active on my blog, taking part in A-Z…a couple blogfests…WRiTE CLUB, but even here I was just treading water.  I wasn't getting around to other blogs near as much as I wanted to and most of my posts were filled with so much angst they came off sounding like a bad episode of Dawson’s Creek.  The one thing I was holding onto was the fact that soon I’d see a piece (the short story mentioned above) of my writing in print.

Then the proverbial rug was pulled out from under me when I learned the publisher for the short story had gone belly up! I never knew that ground zero could feel so cold.  Maybe that’s because I didn’t just end up there. I felt like I was buried six feet under it.

But boo-hoo’ing about that wouldn't accomplish anything. There were hurdles, for sure, but they were only speed bumps compared to the Mount Ranier my wife climbed.  I'm so proud of how she came through it all. She bounced back to 100% healthy and I began to merge back into the speeding traffic that was the publishing highway.

In 2015, I finally landed my first agent. The fact that I described that relationship  as my first agent should probably tell you how that went. My 3rd book (YA Paranormal Mystery) went on submission that year and after a flurry of early activity, interest eventually waned. So did the communication from my agent. I terminated our contract after just eighteen months.

In 2017, when things seemed to be falling into place for me, my day-job had other plans. The company I work for was undergoing a massive IT project and it  required my undivided attention and LOTS of travel. At one point I was on the road for fifteen weeks straight. Not only did I not get much writing done that year, I couldn't even hold my annual WRiTE CLUB competition.

Things eventually returned to normal and I wrote two more books, both YA, and continued querying all of them. I subsequently landed my second agent in 2019.

Then the pandemic of 2020 hit. You all know how that's going.

You might ask – just as I frequently do – what has kept me going during all this time? Why do I think I can succeed when so many couldn't? My wife would say pure stubbornness, but she would only be partially right. Over the course of the years I have had the opportunity for my novels to be read by successful novelist – some of them EXTREMELY successful – and it was their glowing feedback that kept me in the fight. That and feedback from an editor I used – one who had also edited some successful publications – which was also very favorable. That combined with the fact I had secured not one, but two agents, was enough to keep me going.

I believe that brings up-to-date. My YA Mystery/Thriller PRICK is currently on submission and my fingers are crossed once again. 

There you go. A slog of a journey, one with no destination yet. I'll let you know when there is one. Be patient. I certainly am. :)

   

My WRiTE CLUB Champion Tale - Whose Story Is it?

As I do every year, I asked this years WRiTE CLUB winner – Daniel L. Link – to compose a little something about what the experience was like. Here is what he had to say.


I first first attended DFWCon in 2018, and had a great experience. When DL Hammons spoke during one of the lunches and explained WRiTE CLUB to the crowd, I thought it was a brilliant idea, and since I started with short stories before I ever attempted a novel I thought it would be a lot of fun to try it.

I followed WRiTE CLUB last year, and I felt some of the second and third entries felt rushed, and the quality of the writing didn't feel consistent with the author's earlier pieces. That happens when you've only got a few days to write a piece. So I actually wrote all three 500-word pieces and a 1,000 word story ahead of time, knowing which order I wanted to put them out in. I picked Nose for Trouble to go first because I wanted to give the reader a melancholy tale with lots of setting and description. With Navigating the Wilderness I wanted to showcase a character that was all internal monologue, abandon the showy description, and give the reader a white room with nothing but the narrator's thoughts to set the scene. Starlight was a mix of both. A little description, a little more internal monologue, and a lot of emotion. For the thousand-word piece, I ditched my own advice and wrote Falling Off two days before it was due. It reflected a lot of what I'm seeing in the world today, and it resonated more with me than the initial piece I had written. If it felt more rushed, it's because it was.

When I first saw Nose for Trouble pop up I was thrilled. Last year I wrote what I still consider to be the best 500-word piece I've ever written, and I submitted it under the name Cole Rutledge. It didn't make it into the top thirty. Knowing the piece I loved didn't resonate with the slush pile readers (except for one, according to the feedback I got) made me reevaluate my approach to the stories. Seeing that approach pay off was rewarding.

As the contest developed a question formed in my head. Whose story is it?

We ask that question the whole time we compete in WRiTE CLUB. The first level is the guessing game. I recognized my mother’s voice right away, and I thought for sure I knew who Dovey Grimm was. It turns out I was dead wrong, but that’s the beauty of writing anonymously. But there’s another level. There’s what happens to the story once you click send and it goes live for everyone to read. What I took from Write Club this year is that as writers, the story we put out there doesn’t even belong to us anymore once it’s in the readers’ hands.

My bout with Peace and Quiet is an obvious case in point. I wanted to show I could do something different than I had with my original piece, and boy did I. The character I wrote struck some as insecure and nervous, and others as aggressive to the point where violence might be an issue. Peace and Quiet gave us a woman who couldn’t bear to live without her child. Some readers found it powerful, but some were offended that she would leave a husband behind. Whether we did it intentionally or inadvertently, we put people off with the characters we wrote.

Looking back, I wouldn’t have it any other way. If my character is funny to some and scary to others, don’t we all know someone who’s checked both of those boxes? If Peace and Quiet had left out the phone call with the husband, would that make the decision to end her life more palatable? People who make the decision to end their own lives do leave people behind; glossing over that wouldn’t have changed the fact. It’s just interesting to me to see what people do with the characters we give them, and the lives they take on in the readers’ eyes.

The comment I saw pop up the most for everyone’s stories was, I want to know what happens next. At first I thought, nothing happens next. It’s a five-hundred word piece, and that’s all we’ve got. But that’s not true. All these stories took on a life of their own, if only for a moment, in the reader’s mind. I’ve heard it described as a form of telepathy, the ability to put your thoughts on a page and hand it to someone else and make them think the same thing, but it’s so much more than that. It’s the ability to plant a seed of emotion in someone and throw in a drop of imagination. We might not be there to see it grow, and we have no idea what might blossom, but no matter what emotion it sparks, it’s a beautiful thing.

I look forward to coming back next year as a slush pile reader.

 
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