10 Warning Signs That Your Novel Might Be In Trouble



1.          One of the readers usually considered a lock (wife/hubby/significant other, mother, brother, sister, etc.) thinks your book is "alright".
2.          After deciding to print out your novel for copy-editing, it takes two of you to lift it.
3.          Your cat suddenly abandons the litter box and starts using your manuscript instead.
4.          All of your query letter emails are returned with a cease & desist notification for spam abuse.
5.          After practicing your elevator pitch on one of your co-workers, they respond with, "I saw that movie last week!"
6.          You believe that anything J.K. Rowling can do, you can do better, which explains your Part One of Eight subtitle.
7.          You're having difficulty deciding if it should be classified as YA...or Erotica.
8.          You considered the term non-fiction a loose guideline.
9.          The outline you based your story around looks like Schrödinger's equation.
10.       When asked what POV it's written in, your answer is, "What's a POV?"

Did I leave out any others?

50 comments

  1. Oh no. I think I'm in trouble. haha. Not really.

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  2. HAHAHAHAH! These are great! And I wonder if you observed Schrodinger's cat would you either see it pee or not see it pee?. Or both?

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  3. These are good! I hope I'm not that bad :)

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  4. Hilarious! Number five is the best.

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  5. I'm feeling a little better now... :)

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  6. Loved the post. Not too long ago I was talking to an Urban Amish friend about something I had read in someone's blog and #5 was their reply.

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  7. This cracked me up! #1 is by far my favorite...if your family isn't on board, you may be in trouble. *grin*

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  8. Hmm, this is a great list. I love number 7. It made me laugh.

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  9. LOL! Those are awesome! Love it! Still laughing :D

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  10. That is too funny! Thanks for the laugh this morning. :)

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  11. I've had to say #5 to someone once.

    #7 - classic!

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  12. Uh-oh to #7... maybe I should rethink querying PPP as a YA novel?

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  13. Bahahaha to number 3!! I don't have a cat so maybe I should leave my wip at my sister's house and see what her cat does to it. It seems like a perfectly legitimate editing technique. Much faster than all that time taking to revise it myself. Who has time for that?? ;)

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  14. Ha ha ha, so true! I can't think of any good one right now, but yours are great!

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  15. Very funny!

    I just have one question: What is POV?

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  16. J.K. "Rowling"

    And no, you cannot do it better than her.

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  17. LOL. I better keep all writing away from my cat. Don't want him to mistake it for a litter box.

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  18. *wipes Diet Dr Pepper off computer screen* :D

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  19. Ha!! Sad that some of these exist somewhere out there! Also the reason why writers must fight an uphill battle. lol

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  20. Haha--this is awesome. I live in fear of #5. Great post!

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  21. lol... um, yeah. Any answers yes to those and time for a wake up call. Fun list tho!

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  22. I hope my novel doesn't fall into any of these categories. Maybe I'll get a response like "No way!", or even worse "This is a great read when you're trying to get sleepy."

    Your trouble signs sound accurate.


    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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  23. My #11 "What language is this in, anyway?"

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  24. Number five would absolutely crush me...I've had beta readers say, "This sounds a lot like X-BOOK-THAT-JUST-CAME-OUT-THAT-I-HAVEN'T-HEARD-OF-YET." That's a real stinker after you've pumped out 75,000 words...

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  25. What to cats know about fine literature, pfft.

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  26. YA... or Erotica. Ohmigod funny!

    Well, at least now I know I am genuinely NOT alone with my feelings of suckiness.

    Thanks for the hearty laugh!

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  27. Hilarious. I'm going to go put on my (front) Schrodinger's cat is dead/(back) Schrondinger's cat is alive t-shirt.

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  28. thank God my novel is safe! :)

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  29. I'm a sucker for a top ten list. This one rocks. I'm sitting on my deck and I laughed out loud at #2 and #7, inadvertently disturbing a golfer in the middle of his swing. Ooops!

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  30. Haha! Oh my. Now I'm worried. :) Love the one about the kitty.

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  31. Oh yeah, I think you got that list down pretty correctly.

    I might also add that "You often say, 'it's 200,000 words and there's nothing wrong with that.'"

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  32. J.K. Rowland? Ha! Well that's certainly a major warning sign! Not to mention if "your having difficulty" instead of "you're having difficulty" - definitely a novel in trouble!

    What a great list :)

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  33. If I printed mine current wip out, the cat would most certainly pee on it!

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  34. LOL! Yup. #6. I mean, who isn't going to be the next J.K.?

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  35. OM gosh. Too funny. Mine doesn't have any of these. Does it? :)

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  36. I literally laughed out loud at #7 :). Well done!

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  37. BAH!!! This is an awesome list! :D I know everybody's raving about #7, but I also liked #1... *shivers* :D Thanks for the laugh, DL! <3

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  38. Hilarious list. Iloved numbers 1,4 and 8.

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