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WRiTE CLUB 2013 Playoffs Semi-Final Bout #1

Here we go.  The last of the open voting rounds for the WRiTE CLUB playoffs.  Starting today we will narrow this list of contestants from four down to just two.  There will be two bouts...on Monday and Wednesday...with our fighters randomly re-matched. 

The fighters have been given the opportunity to "tweak" or edit their current submission based on the input voters have left for them, and that is what will do battle before you today and Wednesday.  No wildcard in this round.

The two fighters who make it to the finals will be asked to once more submit new 500 word writing samples, and that will be what is forwarded to our celebrity judges. Of course I'll post them here on my blog for you to comment on, but it will be our judges who make the final selection.

Our writers are ready, the crowd is restless, lets get this show on the road!

Stepping into the near corner, please welcome back to the ring...Imalie Teller.

The thought of people roaming the park made Patel gun his squad car. No telling what that nut Bouvier would do if someone took him by surprise. Patel hoped that this would be easy. He hoped that he’d find Bouvier sane, or at least calm, and in his girlfriend’s arms. What he saw in his headlights as he approached Central Park Lake was a park patrol SUV and a pile of bodies, none of them human except Officer Bert Thomas.

The Official Apocalypse Diary of Monster Hunter, Andre Bouvier

Monday, August 1, 2016


Well, Dinah sure as SHIT believes that there are monsters in the park, now!

The lake monster is dead. Slain by me with a crossbow bolt to the fricking mouth. Went down like a whale and somehow shat a wave of things. I think they were gargoyles, but of course Dinah wants to argue. She says they are some new species, but I know a damned gargoyle when I see one, and I saw a shitload of them.

I wish I could report that I killed the entire shitload, but I did not. I estimate that I terminated 66-78% of the gargoyles before the rest escaped. The only human causality of The Battle Of Central Park Lake was a park cop who saved Dinah’s life. He seemed like a helluva nice guy. Rest in peace, Park Cop!

Dinah and I are currently hiding out in the American Museum of Natural History. Damned creepy place. Damned creepy. When we came in last night, I shot a crossbow bolt into the skull of this big dinosaur skeleton in the lobby. I was a little jumpy. They can sue me. Frankly, I don’t give a shit.

I’m not totally sure why we are here, but Dinah is freaked. Seems to think we’ll be charged with the murder of Park Cop. She is being totally irrational. WE, obviously, did not eat that cop. Hope she isn’t going nuts on me.

I’m going to suggest we talk to the cops, get it all over with. I am confident that cooler heads will prevail, the light of day will reveal me as the hero I am, and we can go home and stop hiding out. The food in the vending machines here is stale.

Alive and Kicking,


Andre rose from the toilet. Writing in the bathroom seemed kind of nasty to him, but he wanted the diary to be a surprise for Dinah. Andre normally didn’t even read in the bathroom. Some people left magazines in johns. Had special john magazine racks for them, and everything. You wouldn’t catch Andre dead reading a magazine he found in a john. Andre didn’t trust people to crap, put their magazines back, and then wipe. The whole thing was a recipe for bacterial disaster. Andre never touched anything in bathrooms. Of course he touched toilet paper. And soap. Monsters were one thing. E. coli poisoning was another thing, entirely.

And in the far corner, their willing opponent....Philangelus.

If the customer was any more in my face, I'd be tasting her mouthwash. "You were supposed to give me an estimate!"

We don't have bullet-proof glass at the garage, so I raise both hands. "But we didn't--"

"I was waiting right here." The woman's angular cheeks go purple, and she's got a white-knuckled grip on her purse. "If you think I'm paying for that, you can forget it."

I thrust her the keys and the paperwork. "You don't have to. You're free to go."

For a moment she huffs in the otherwise-still waiting room. Passing cars hum outside the windows, and a whiff of exhaust hangs in the air.  Finally she says, "What?"

Poised to dart back from the counter, I circle the total on the invoice. $0.00.  "The car is fixed. You're all set. Have a nice day."

Two regular customers are pretending not to watch. I'd like to think they'd save me if she attacked, but really--they'd bolt outside before their abandoned Daily News pages finished fluttering to the floor.

The keys crunch together as the woman slips them into her coat pocket. "It's fixed?"

Breathe. Crisis averted.

This late in the day, the vinyl floor bears a salt and dirty-snow grime, and my last cup of coffee happened four hours ago. At least, I assume that was coffee. I found it in the coffee pot, so that should count for something.

I grin at the customer. "Our test drive confirmed the gasoline odor in the car, but that wasn't the smell of a bad fuel pump. Your gas cap had a cracked gasket which was letting fumes get sucked back through the trunk whenever you accelerated." I slip onto the stool beside the computer, bringing myself up to eye-level with the woman. "Since a locking gas cap isn't standard on the Taurus, we popped the trunk and found the original cap rolling around the spare tire bed. New test drive, no odor, no charge." Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on the counter. "If you aren't satisfied, we'll provide a full refund."

Silence for five seconds.

She bites her lip. "The first mechanic swore it was the fuel pump."

"And agreed to change it for $300," I venture, "while throwing in a new gas cap for free?"

She bursts out laughing. That's less than a week's rent, but hey, money's money. "Tell the mechanic I want to marry him."

I make my eyes big. "That would be me." When she steps backward, I add, "But I'm happily single, so I'll decline your proposal."

Now I've shocked her twice. "But you're a girl."

I stare down at myself. Yep, still the same me: grease-stained pants, work boots, and a denim shirt with our logo.

Although they pretend not to watch, the other customers snicker.

Grinning, the woman prints my name on the back of our business card. "Well, thanks...Lee. I'll be back."

No kidding. She's got a Ford Taurus. Of course she'll be back.

Please leave a vote in the comments section for the one who you believe deserves to move onto the finals. Voting for both semi-final bouts will remain open until noon on Sunday, October 13th. Help me spread the word about what is happening here.  Anyone can still vote, as long as they register on the Linky List.

Remember the WRiTE CLUB motto, it’s not about the last man/woman standing, it’s about who knocks the audience out!


  1. I'm going with Philangelus. Struck me with that first line.

  2. Philangelus for me too. Loved the last line.

  3. I'm going with Philangelus for this round.

  4. Love Philangelus' wit and humour. Philangelus gets my vote.

    Suzanne @ Times Squared

  5. Philangelus.

    Good job tweaking, writers! I now know why Andre was in the bathroom in #1 (no pun intended.) I was all set to vote for Imalie Teller until I got to the last line of Philangelus's "No kidding. She's got a Ford Taurus. Of course she'll be back." This made me smile ... widely. I have grown to like this MC's sense of humor and would like to know how this story turns out a teeny bit more than Imalie's.

  6. Philangelus. I use to have a taurus...enough said. ;)

  7. Imalie Teller for me today. Though it was a tough vote

  8. Oh, man. I owned a Ford once. Have to vote for Philangelus.

  9. Philangelus. Congratulations to you both for making it this far.

  10. Don't know if I'm too late to vote or not, but I'll chime in anyway. Both well written pieces that pulled me right in! Nicely done :)
    #2 gets my vote




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